Things I Want to Do in Life

a note of forewarning: naughty language may appear suddenly tonight

Once more, we shall peer into my diseased mind to see what some of my thoughts are. Watch your step, the dogs have been out, and I haven't had a chance to clean up after them yet.

- Find a career (this may seem like a no brainer, but it means a lot to me. I feel that a person is not truly happy unless they have a career. Jobs are bullshit time wasters, careers are things you pour your heart and soul into)

- Buy a house (As I get older, I'm realizing that I'm wanting to do things I thought I would never do, like putter around my house. I don't think other people would like me puttering around their house.)

- Write a best seller (I also believe that everyone should have an impossible dream; if you're going to shoot, aim reeeaaaaaaalllllyyyyyyy high)

- Come to terms with the fact that I am cooler and more interesting that I think I am (why stop with one impossible dream?)

- Convince people that I'm not always mad or grumpy (it's true! I think fiercely, plus the thick Neanderthal brow ridge doesn't help either)

- Cultivate a proper mustache (not some caterpillar mutant dog tail across my upper lip)

- Watch my boys grow up to be successful in all their endeavors (unless it's criminal - then they had better be supervillians)

- Get a dog (just seems like something that needs to be done)

- More tattoos

- find a deep, strong friendship with a like minded writer that blossoms into a lifelong experience (I mean like Lovecraft and Dereleth, not Sigfried and Roy)

- Be able to say exactly what I mean when I need to, not ten minutes after the fact (I think this is pretty universal)

- Find some way to let my wife know that I will always love her and be by her side, no matter what life throws at us

- imbue in my boys the sense that as long as they stay true to themselves, they will never have to compromise their ideals.

- find every erogenous zone on my wife (probably TMI)

- Be the subject of a book signing (or book burning - either/or)

- write a successful comic book

- stop being so insecure (yeah right!)

- Travel the United States (I could never make it past customs - it's the brow ridge)

- Better define my religion to others (even though I'll still sound like a crackpot, people won't think I'm just using it to annoy them)

- Learn how to make animated gifs

- Successfully lobby to make Saskatoon an American province

- Figure out why vampires sparkle (or at least discover the formula that will allow me to pass of crap as literature)

- Write that short story about Hemingway and Joyce brawling (It would be really cool too: [spoiler! Hemingway takes Joyce's eye ala Kill Bill!])

- Win a national award for my writing

- become an editor for a major publishing company

- become a publisher in my own right

well, that's all I can really think of right now... If I survive the night, I'll be back Monday!