Monday, February 15, 2010

Bionic Mom

So I just got home from the hospital - my Mom went in for a new knee today, and she suggested the title for tonight's idea.

Mom, this one's for you:

Music: bump bah-bump bah-bump bump duh-duh-duh-duh do do do

Voice Over - Male, steel in voice: Once, she was a mild mannered librarian and author

Images of woman working with people, transitioning into same woman working at a typewriter

Music: buh-duh buh-duh du-duh-duh

Voice Over: Until one day....

video of ugly men throwing books which cuts to woman recoiling and getting hit by books (all in slow motion)

Music - Dramatic Chord: DUH-duh Dah-duh!

Voice Over: However, they were able to rebuild her.

Montage of doctors, heart monitor, physical therapy

Music upbeat, but agressive:

Voice Over: Now, she spends her time Fighting evil, recommending books, and raising kids...

Music gets more aggressive:

Voice Over: She is...

Music hits crescendo:

Voice Over: Bionic Mom!

fade to black:

Opens on a park scene - kids playing in background, Bionic Mom rooting through trunk looking for something

Bionic Mom: I know it's in here somewhere....

Kid's Voice: No, really! I can wait... it's not that big a problem.

Bionic Mom: I'm serious! You'll love this one!

Kid's Voice: Uh.... Bionic Mom?

Bionic Mom: Yeah? (stands up and turns around) what is.... it?

cut to buttoned down SERIOUS MAN: Ah! Bionic Mom! I see you're still peddling your smut and filth, trying to subvert our children!

Bionic Mom: What are you talking about this time SERIOUS MAN? (crosses her arms)

SERIOUS MAN: This! (Throws a book at Bionic Mom's feet) [cut to book title: Book reads Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan's Curse]

Bionic Mom: Oh give it a rest, have you even read this book yet?

SERIOUS MAN: well, uh, that is, er, um, no...

Bionic Mom: So why do you think this is smut and filth?

SERIOUS MAN: (Sneering) Why do you think you're bionic mom?

Bionic Mom: (Knees SERIOUS MAN in crotch) Feel that? That's my Bionic Knee!

SERIOUS MAN: (Collapses) uuuuhhhhhh......

Bionic Woman: Here, since you could use this [produces book< Emily Post's Book of Manners] I suggest you read it, and don't forget; it's Bionic Mom! Don't forget the capitals!

Kid's Voice: Boy Bionic Mom, you sure got a leg up on him!

Bionic Mom: Well, if he had boned up on his women's lib studies, he wouldn't have gotten the "Point"!

(Freeze Frame)

Mellow, melancholy music plays as Bionic Mom walks down road, thumbing ride

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