Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Musing on Breasts (NSFW - language & content)

So, Melissa was on one of her websites today, and the question was asked "Why do men like breasts so much?" She asked me to answer the question for her (which is surprising, due to the fact that the website is for women only).
I replied by saying:

"Men like breasts for many reasons. It's something that men don't normally have (unless we're morbidly obese) and that engages our curiosity. Breasts also break up the straight line of the chest, it gives us something to look at. Many men are acutely aware that the manipulation of the breasts also creates pleasure in women, and that in turn gives us pleasure. Now I'm not saying that men engage in breast manipulation strictly for altruistic purposes, some of it is due to the fact that we hope for some form of reciprocation.
Ultimately however, I think that men like breasts simply because we are taught from an early age that it is something we are not supposed to look at. It's the whole sense of breaking a societal taboo that excites us. Seeing clothed breasts excites our imagination, while bare breasts invoke that feeling of taboo - it brings out the pubescent boy in us again."

As there is a character limit when replying to a post, I figured I would flesh this idea out some more.

1. Breasts are something that men don't normally have.
- Unless we are morbidly obese, or going through major surgery, we do not have breasts. While this may infuriate some men, most are intrigued by this difference between the sexes. By the time boys have become men, we have figured out our own bodies. We know how our arms and legs work, many of us know how to take a punch to the stomach, the vast majority have figured out the more comedic parts of our pelvis, not to mention the act of self-gratification.
However, women have breasts, lumpy, squishy sacks of skin filled with fat and lactation sacs that when infused with hormones can produce milk. As disgusting as that may sound, they still draw the attention of males everywhere (and some females as well, but that's beside the point).
The simple fact of the matter is that much like a mountain, or a new land, the female breast is unexplored territory. We as men feel it is our duty to conquer this new territory; to explore its peaks and valley(s), to explore the nooks and crannies, the overhangs and points. As with any new discovery however, we always know there is more to find, which is why we are always examining anew breasts of all shapes and sizes. Even if we know our wives or girlfriend's breasts better than our own bodies, we still examine others - simply because we are curious. We know instinctively that it is new territory - unexplored regions of the earth that may remain mysteries (especially if we know what's good for us).

2. Breasts break up the straight line of the chest, it gives us something to look at.
- Go out and look at people in profile sometime, especially men. A lot of men (especially older gents) tend to develop a 'b' sort of upper body type. Not very attractive. Honestly, would you want some guy to come up to you in a bar and start rubbing his gut on your arm? >shudders< me neither.
However, women are often shaped like a 'P' which is much more aesthetically pleasing. Blame the inherent artist in men. Many of us have artistic ancestors and although it may have been diluted out severely over the generations, we still have a basic idea of a pleasing aesthetic. If you don't believe me, look at a guy naked and then a girl naked.
Let me rephrase that. porn does not count as looking at naked men and women. porn engages in improbable physical body types and unusual fetishes. Therefore, you cannot get a good idea of what a real naked person looks like.
Get a book on physiology or human anatomy, or even a book on the human body as an art reference. Look at the way the female body is designed. Now compare it to how a man is designed. The female form is rounded, curved, supple. The male form is angular, pointed, utilitarian. In short, looking at the female form is like walking through the Louvre. Looking at a man is like touring a construction site.

3. Many men are acutely aware that the manipulation of the breasts also creates pleasure in women, and that in turn gives us pleasure.
- As I also stated above, it's not necessarily for altruistic reasons. Quite often, men are hoping (or even expecting) some form of reciprocation in exchange for inciting pleasure in the woman. On the other hand, The ability to bring pleasure to a woman through the manipulation of the breasts feeds into the need for men to accomplish something. By bringing pleasure to a woman, men fill the need to say "I have pleasured this woman, see how studly and virile I am. By supplying some form of sexual gratification to this woman, I have transcended the status of mere man and entered the realm of god-hood."
Don't believe me? Women, next time your husband or boyfriend is finished fooling around with you, watch him strut. (No, I'm not immune to this either, just ask Melissa)

4. It's the whole sense of breaking a societal taboo that excites us.
- Blame the puritans for this one. For the longest time, we have been told that nudity is wrong, that to expose yourself to anyone is offensive. However, we're born without clothes. Society has been so ingrained with the thought that the naked body is somehow wrong, that society as a whole has developed a sort of psychosis about being seen naked.
At the same time, we are driven by an intense desire to break the rules, to test the boundaries of 'proper' society. By looking at a woman's clothed breasts, men are forced to engage their imaginations to visualize what they would look like naked; and imagined breasts tend to excite as much, if not more, than the real thing.
Barring such easy options as strip clubs, nudie magazines and the Internet Porn Machine, seeing bared breasts is such a thrill that words have difficulty expressing. Be it a quick flip up of the shirt at a rock concert, Mardi Gras, or Spring Break, a "wardrobe malfunction" (a totally bullshit term if I ever heard one), or a surprise move by a wife or girlfriend when she's feeling frisky - the taboo of public nudity sends chills down the spine of most red-blooded men. We feel as if we are seeing something we're not supposed to. much like peeping through the knothole of the fence around the nudist colony, Seeing bare breasts gives us the thrill of breaking that taboo.
In a small way, we regress back to our childhood, when we got our first glimpse of a naked breast, and we finally got it. In one shining moment of clarity, we discovered why girls were different from us, and suddenly, we had to know what exactly those things were.
At that point, we realize that there is a whole fresh new world of possibilities out there, ready to be explored. As we mature, we discover that this amazing new world can be even less fun and interesting than the world we lived in as kids, but by the simple flash of a breast, we can travel back to that point where we were naive and the possibilities are endless, even for a moment.

Now others may dispute these facts, but as far as I'm concerned, I think what I've said here can stand for most guys.