Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Terrible story excerpt

This was a little bit of a goofy story idea I got from a discussion with a friend of mine: we were talking about how even if we were writing stuff that had kittens and rainbows we would still be freaked out because it's something we wrote. My friend likes to write in the dark, sexual realm, and I made a crack about Dark, Sexual, Rainbow Kittens... needless to say, what follows sprang from that.
Warning! What follows is lowest common denominator pot boiler with no editing, plot or consideration of taste. At the very least, it should be considered disturbing. I understand that, so please don't contact me with stuff like "Jesus! What the hell kinda sick freak are you?"

"But you just shot my husband!" Miss Fluffykins yowled as the polychromatic tom prowled closer to her.
"He was going to murder you for your tuna empire, I had to do something." the strange multicolored cat replied.
"Well, I must find some way to thank you," Miss Fluffykins explained demurely as she lifted her tail, presenting her posterior for the tom's inspection.
As he stepped closer to sniff, he could smell her heat. Deep in his chest, a primal growl, long dormant, slowly worked its way up his throat. Looking back over her shoulder, Miss Fluffykins batted half-lidded eyes and lowered herself onto her forepaws, presenting herself. The rainbow tom could feel himself engorging, his hairy member gliding from its sheath. Instinct took over as he mounted her, pressing his advantage.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Well, that was interesting

So, I just got finished watching Zombieland and I've got to say... don't waste your time.

What starts out as an extremely promising set up with the humor and the on screen reiterations of the rules quickly degenerates into periods of awkward and boring stretches of film where the main character waffles and basically lets his co-stars flatten him in their efforts to infuse any sort of entertainment into the film.
Jesse Eisenberg, who plays Columbus, is a nervous, whiny, spineless simp of a main character who has managed to survive the zombie apocalypse through his "rules" (and a huge helping dose of plot requirement) of survival. After a run in with several hungry zombies, Columbus manages to hitch a ride with another loner - Tallahassee (played by Woody Harelson in a role reminiscient of Natural Born Killers), a pseudo-redneck balls-to-the-wall maniac who is on a quest to find the last twinkie.
Through their travels, they meet two young ladies, sisters, by the names of Wichita and Little Rock (Emma Stone and Abigale Breslan, respectively) who con the boys out of their wheels and weapons.
Needless to say, Columbus falls in love with Wichita, and the fun is over. What goes forth is a slow, plodding, sometimes painful experiment in neo-Woody Allen insecurity without the humor.
Eisenberg and Stone may be incredible actors, but you would never tell from this movie. The whole point of being lead characters is to be as engaging, occasionally as entertaining as the co-stars. Usually, the co-stars are over the top in order to shore up a lack of character development, but under no circumstances are the co-stars or supporting actors to present a more commanding presence than the main characters. For most of the movie, you couldn't even tell that Eisenberg or Stone were even in the picture - especially if Breslan, Harelson or Bill Murray in a 10 minute cameo that overrode everyone in the movie, are sharing the screen with them.
Final rating?

Don't pay full price to see Zombieland. In fact, don't catch it on a matinee either. I would even caution against renting this when it comes out on DVD. In fact, Zombieland is probably one of the best arguments I have heard in a long time for bringing back the long defunct USA cable network station for its USA Up-All Nite programming. Then, I would suggest watching it, but only if you have absolutely nothing better to do.