Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Life and Times of Barbie® and Ken®



Notice to Mattel®: THIS IS PARODY - I'M A POOR WRITER, I HAVE NO MONEY!


The story of Barbara "Barbie" Millicent Roberts is a long and sordid one, but no relationship has sparked more controversy and talk than the bizarre and tangled love triangle of Barbie, Ken, and Joe, the General Infantryman.
Barbie first met her longtime flame, Kenneth Carson, on the set of a commercial they had both been cast in. Quickly hitting it off, the two were seen at the most popular hangouts: The Whiskey-a-go-go, Woodstock, the International Foundation for Internal Freedom alongside Dr. Timothy Leary.
Times were good, until Barbie happened to bump into an enlisted man one day while out on Fisherman's Wharf.
He was tall, handsome, articulated, with a manly scar on his cheek and a birth defect that caused his right thumbnail to grow from the pad side of his digit immediately drew Barbie's attention. Privately, they began to see each other while Ken toiled away in various jobs.
Barbie and Joe's friendship were not to remain a secret, and eventually, Barbie introduced Joe to Ken. While publicly, the two never got along, privately, the two spent many hours in a brownstone in San Fransisco, singing show tunes and wearing tight fitting clothes.
Ken's relationship with Barbie and Joe have not been the only intimate events in Ken's life. Rumors have always dogged Ken about his relationships with such icons as He-Man (and the Masters of the Universe), Stretch Armstrong, and many allegations of impropriety with Chatty Cathy - although he has always been acquitted of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
In 2004, Barbie and Ken experienced a break in their relationship -the official story was that the two felt it was time to spend time apart - but the truth of the matter was that Ken, Barbie and Joe finally discovered that they had all been sleeping with one another over three decades.
Ken was devastated - joining a commune of Uglydolls and Hello Kitty refugees, Ken tried to get his life straight. Barbie and Joe continued to date, but both felt that something was missing - ultimately in 2009, Barbie and Joe managed to track down Ken and begged him to join their relationship - this time as a full partner, not a side project.
To this day, the three toy icons spend their time either fighting the forces of evil, working various jobs, or trolling the downtown shops looking for young men to invite back to their house.

For Q! Bullshit Stories, this is your announcer, saying Good Night.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

OMG...I always thought there was something rather queer about the three of them...

Joy Hughes said...

FUNNY! I see why comedy is your fortay. Who doesn't love to laugh!

Anonymous said...

I knew Barbie and Ken had some secrets. Great Scoop!!I love it. You're a funny guy.