Thursday, February 4, 2010

Creepy Steve's Creepy Resume

"Creepy Steve" Creepington
123 Sleezeball Lane
Squicky Feeling Falls, WI

Purpose: To achieve gainful employment in staring, stalking, and or lurking in an effort to creep out total strangers.

Prior Experience: Successful lurking outside of supermarket for 15 years without being arrested once. Stalked several tv personalities for several years.

Special techniques: standing half-hidden in shadows; wearing trench coats; dull, vacuous stare; heavy breathing; bug-eyed; misshapen face; lack of social skills

Favorite Hobbies: staring at attractive young women until they leave; following famous celebrities; digging through trash; dead animal delivery; practicing my 1000 yard stare.

Most worthwhile achievements: singlehandedly giving a "squicky" feeling to twenty people at the same time at a TGIFridays.

Biggest disappointment: Inability to forge meaningful relationships with anybody

Best way to contact: Look around, I'm probably watching you already.

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