Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Proper Lab

Good afternoon class, I hope you enjoyed your lunch, now let's get to the introductions: My name is Doctor Snyder - Dynamic Dog. All joking aside, I am a Labrador, and yes, I teach science labs.
Please stop snickering - I've been teaching these classes for 5 human years now, and those jokes were all old when I first started out, barely out of my milk teeth. Now, this semester, we will be studying many different aspects of doggy science - from the science of smells, to why exactly we have to find something that smells like it not only died, but is actively rotting, and then roll in it.
Excuse me, but what is your name? Bingo? Nice to meet you Bingo, what is it you have there? A Kong ball with peanut butter in it? I sure hope you've brought enough for the entire class. What is that? No? Well then, Mr. Bingo, I suggest you go bury that outside until after class. Thank you.
As I was saying... excuse me, but that is enough of that! I understand that miss princess may be in heat, but there is absolutely no copulation in this room at any time, nor is it allowed on school grounds. Yes, I know she smells wonderful, but you must restrain yourself Mr. Rex... and before you ask, no, you may not hump your neighbor's leg.
Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted: Throughout the year, we will be performing experiments with volatile chemicals, many of which smell delicious - under no circumstances are you to lick, lap, snarf, wolf, or taste these chemicals. Many of these chemicals are quite dangerous, and most will kill you slowly, painfully, and horribly.
Well, with that bit of pleasantness out of the way, we will start by distributing your goggles. Now remember, you are not fully prepared for lab unless you have your goggles. No they are not chew toys - you will be required to replace them if you get a hankering for plastics and acrylics.
As this is a lab taught by a lab, you must be in proper lab attire for this lab to teach this lab.

No comments: