Thursday, January 21, 2010

WTF Pics: The Story

We were sitting at TGIFriday's after work one night many years ago. It had been a long week, and we had stopped off after work to loosen up and get a few drinks. Steph had just broken up with William (The Ass, as we had always called him when we were talking to her about him), Felicity was harping about her boss being a total jerk, even if he was super hot, and I was just trying to figure out how I was going to get in without old Mrs. Nesbitt catching me.
I was already two weeks behind on the rent, and the last thing I needed was that withered old harpy griping at me about the rent. I shook my head, trying to lose myself in The Bangles and the Manhattan I was drinking.
Felicity nudged me under the table, and gestured with her head at something off to my left. I rolled my eyes and went back to studying my drink, which was now empty. Steph sighed and looked at me. "Jen, why would he do this to me?"
Steph was my best friend from middle school, and I knew that she was on the verge of completely losing it.
Reaching across the table, I squeezed her hand. "Steph, I know you really liked him, but the guy was a total... a total..."
"Ass" Felicity interjected. I glared at her - Steph's eyes began to well up. "What? He was a total jerk, treated her like trash, and slept with her brother!"
Steph howled and put her head in her hands. Feeling helpless, I patted her on the back and shot daggers at Felicity. "Jen, you have got to take a look at this lady over here. She's been staring at us since we came in, and she is just... scary."
Realizing that Steph was a lost cause for at least ten minutes, I glanced to my right and turned back to Felicity. A second later, I whipped my head back around and stared.

Time stopped.
Distantly, I heard someone say "Oh my god! What the HELL is that?" My mind scrambled to try and define what exactly it was staring at us.
I started shaking, and turned around, my mind still reeling. Felicity was staring at me, and Steph had stopped sobbing. "what?" I asked, reality slowly setting back in.
"Do you realize that you just said 'Oh my god, what the hell is that?' while staring at that thing?" Felicity whispered fiercely.
My mind, which had finally began to define that thing, sprained itself again; not only had I rudely stared at that... that... thing, I had opened my mouth and insulted it as well.
"Hey, can we get our check?!" Steph had come to her senses and taken charge of the situation. I hazarded a glance back over at the woman (I finally decided that it was a woman). She just sat there, squat and bellicose, staring a strange, dead frog type stare. Feeling guilty, I looked away, and glanced again. She was still staring at us.
Unable to handle the scary dwarf lady any more, I lurched up from the table. "Listen, I have got to get out of here, I'll see you guys outside" I stumbled away, feeling her dead eyes following me out of the restaurant.
Sitting outside, I tried to clear my head. Looking around at my surroundings, I saw a gazebo across the park. Just looking at the building set me on edge, and I swore that I saw something... strange. Rubbing my eyes, I looked again, and I could swear I saw that lady again! Except this time, she was staring at me from the gazebo. I blinked several times, but the lady was gone. Had she been talking to someone?
Then it happened - the goddamn gazebo glared at me.

I screamed right as Steph and Felicity came walking out of the restaurant. Racing over, they grabbed me. "Jen! Jen! What's wrong?" Steph asked while Felicty shook me.
Looking at them, I blurted out "The gazebo" I pointed "the lady was there, and then the gazebo... it glared at me!" I could see the incredulity drop onto their faces.
"What?" was their response.
"The gazebo, it was.. staring..." I couldn't finish, realizing how lame I sounded right then.
Felicity shook her head. "Listen, we went and talked to that lady inside, and apologized for our behavior. She said it was alright, but she told us to warn you that the sun takes a dim view of people who mock her. I don't know what she meant by that, but she also told us that Steph would be alright and my boss will stop being a jerk." Felicity explained.
As we walked off, I muttered to myself "the sun takes a dim view of people who mock her?" at the time it made no sense.
But as I got older, I finally understood what that evil toad woman meant. So Timmy (I looked at my grandson), always mind your manners, and don't poke fun at strange looking people - put that tongue back in your mouth young man!

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