Midget Lesbian neo-Nazis and the Men Who Love Them
Host: "Today we interview Midget lesbian neo-Nazis and the men who love them. After these messages, we'll get right into the thick of it."
Announcer: "We'll be back to The Varg Discussions after these messages."
Announcer: "Now back to The Varg Discussions with your host Vaaaaaaarg Viiiiikeeeeeerneesssssss!>peppy background music plays<
Varg: >stomps onto stage with microphone in hand, painted up in death metal colors< TURN THAT SH*T OFF! >music cuts out abruptly< ALRIGHT YOU MUTANTS, MY NAME IS VARG VIKERNES AND YOU ARE ALL PUKES!
Crowd: >whistles, hollers, yells<
Varg: >Glares at the camera<
>stomps across the stage<
Now my first guest is an anti-Semitic little tart who ended up single-handedly firebombing a synagogue while making love to a one-legged circus performer and spray-painting swastikas on a group of bound and shaved rabbis. Please give a totally brutal welcome to Adolphina Metzger!
Crowd: >wolf whistles, yells<
Adolphina: Heil Varg!
Varg: Heil Herr Metzger. So tell us a little bit about yourself...
Adolphina: I have always loved women, from when I was a little girl who would wander through secret mass graves, I always found the female form so sensual. I especially like the way the firelight from a synagogue plays across the naked curves of a woman's body as we join together in an erotic display for the fourth Reich. I do not like jews, blacks, protestants, communists, gypsies or any inferior races. I do however have a weakness for handicapped women.
Varg: You have an admirer, do you not?
Adolphina: >gets serious< Yes... he is some dumkopf who I met at a book burning several years ago. He just happened to have a copy of a filthy jew's book by the name of Angela's Ashes - which was based on a bunch of lies that the United States perpetrated after the Fatherland was defeated. I pointed out to him that I despised that book and he made a bad joke about fires and ashes. Being polite, I laughed.
Varg: Well, let's invite this garbage out here. >looks at card< no F*CKING WAY! >looks off screen< ar- ar- are you serious? >drops head for a moment< Alright.... HERE'S ØYSTEIN AARSETH!
>Aarseth walks onto stage looking meek<
Aarseth: Hi Varg...
Varg: F*ck you! What the hell do you have to say for yourself? Huh?
Aarseth: >looks at Adolphina< Adolphina... I love you... I can give you everything... I want to be with y-
Adolphina: Look you non-aryan pile of sh*t, I told you before, you have nothing that I want!
Aarseth: I'll renounce my heritage!
Varg: What? What do you mean by that?
Aarseth: I''m Jewish!
Varg: >Howls unintelligably and grabs a knife< YOU BASTARD!!!!! >Charges at Aarseth with knife<
Announcer: We'll be back to the show after Varg gets out of prison.... again